As the weather grows cooler cold and flu season is quickly sneaking up on us, but another disease threatens to destroy not only your liver but also your wallet. This disease will rob the infected of their ability to speak, form coherent thoughts, and cause them to dance on some random strange. We are talking about 9 Fever people, and Kyler has it bad.
"This is one of the worst cases we have ever seen," claimed 9 Fever expert Dr. Dylan Fox. "I'm all for getting blacked out on a bottle of Ron, but Kyler's addiction to buying dollar drinks and grinding on girls in the dark depths of the dance floor may have advanced to stage 5. I'm afraid this heavy drinker is beyond saving."
A number of his closest friends have tried to talk to Kyler about his terminal disease but efforts to help his health have fallen flat. Room-mate and pizza exert Adam Karst expressed concern for his friend saying "Yeah turning 21 is fun, but when Kyler woke me up at 8:30 on a Tuesday morning and told me to get ready for the 9 at 9 I knew he was out on control." After a hefty bite of a Domino's pizza Karst added "Honestly I'm worried sick about him."
Long-time brother and 9 veteran Reilly Ell also expressed his concern over his younger sibling's fucked up actions. "Was I able to look past the Twisted Tea? Yes. Did I make fun of him when he said that Hobo Week belongs to him? Only a little. But never in my life have I seen someone as ravaged by that piss soaked grease pit as he is. May god help his soul."
Our thoughts and prayers go out to Kyler as he battles this dangerous disease. #KylerStrong