The Jackrabbit Football season is only a couple of days away. This means hundreds of students will be avoiding their responsibilities to wake up at the ass crack of dawn, funnel beer down their throats, and consume grain alcohols. With so much hype swirling around the season opener, President Dunn has decided to cancel classes for Thursday and throw a banger at his new pad.
“What’s the point of having a 5-million-dollar house if you can’t get fucked up in it. Getting shitfaced is only thing I’ve been doing since I moved in. Sure, it pisses off my wife and some of the faculty but fuck 'em. They weren’t the ones that had go around sucking some dick to get this baby built,“ said the president of the university.
"Last year I would have thrown more ragers but my landlord was a fucking dick. We got a warning first week and my wife was all up my ass. But new year new me," said Dunn as he took a hefty pull from a Franzia bag and then emphatically slapped it. "Goddam, thats the stuff."
The President also had this to add when asked if tailgating rules apply to Thursday’s darty “What is this, Canada? There isn’t a chance in hell I let underage students have fun! Anyone who isn’t twenty-one can go take a dick.”
Even with the strict tailgating rules still in effect, most SDSU students still have high hopes for what is to come Thursday evening. Reilly Ell, a Business Economics major and SDSU Delt President wasn’t surprised when heard what President Dunn had to say about his darty “He pulled this shit on us last year too. I’m not worried, I’ll still blackout and find myself eating some box by the end of the night”