Fall is an exciting time around college campuses around the country. It means the return of students, football pads popping on the field, the impending spread of chlamydia, and Brookings cops stopping underage drinking.
UPD Police Chief Timothy A. Heaton gave some surprising statistics when asked to comment on the finding. “We looked at a ton of numbers and stuff and found out that underage drinking is actually the cause of many of the problems in this world. From our studies we have learned that racism, third world poverty, and the assassination of JFK were all the product of underage drinking.”
He went on to add “It is also known that underage drinking kills 2.4 million people at SDSU every year. You can trust us about these numbers, we are cops so you know we are super smart and didn’t get C’s in high school.”
“We get our dicks so hard to stop underage drinking its just awesome,” said Heaton. “Sure there is a lot better stuff in the world to worry about, but the thought of some 18 year old cracking open a Busch Light somewhere makes me sick to my stomach. Thats the real threat to America. Trust me, I'm a campus police officer."