Another year, another pub crawl. As the older Delts prepare for one of their last weekends of debauchery, the only question on their minds (besides can I hit your Juul) is “What is the name of that new song by Sam Hunt?”
Yeah, we’re talking about that song. The one that talks about going slow when you should go fast. And loving a girl who has a body like a road. Nobody remembers the title, but everyone knows it slaps. “Yeah I think I heard it once last week, but I only caught the end of it,” said President Miles Semmler. “I was too busy watching awesome March Matness to really pay attention. Did you know that there is a college wrestling tournament this month? It’s fucking awesome” he said as he chugged what is speculated to be his 100th beer of the day. Other Delts are aware of the complete banger, but only remember some of the lyrics. “I’m pretty sure it says ‘body like a backhoe’ but who knows honestly. Go Duke!” slurred Hot Dog Meister Adam Karst as he pulled out his phone to put his life on a game that will not hit. “Dude I don’t even think Sam Hunt sings that song” piped in Jayden Everson. “Me and my buddy B-Mac were listening to it in Aberdeen last weekend and we’re pretty sure Kenny Chesney sings that shit. Have you ever been to Aberdeen? It's awesome. We have the State B tournament and my buddy B-Mac plays football there for Northern. You should come sometime and hang out with me and my buddy B-Mac.” Senior Riley Schmidt was another member that couldn’t recall the name of the country ballad that gets dicks hard and drinks pouring. “I saw a poll on twitter the other day. It asked if a WNBA team could beat a top high school team in a game of basketball. You have to be smoking fucking crack to think a WNBA team could beat the Dell Rapid Quarriers. I would have dropped 75 by myself.” We asked Sam Hunt himself what the name of the song was but it was apparent he never took the time to remember. “Mostly I just make songs to pander to the lowest common denominator of country music fans. Just like Thomas Rhett. He loves his wife!.” said Hunt as he did not plow a field on a piece of land he does not own. “I don’t even know what that shit was called, broseph!” Hunt exclaimed as he cashed royalty checks off the very song he does not know the title of. “It said something about going 15 in a 60, didn’t it? Fuck, that would be really slow. It probably wasn’t called that.”
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January 2018
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