Normally birthdays are a source of joy and jubilation, but January 31, 2018 is a date that will certainly live in Brookings infamy. Numerous bars on Brookings popular main street plan to shut their doors and after learning that former Roncali Cavalier Jayden Everson will be turning 21 at midnight.
"Yeah sure we've had a good run serving our backpackers, but do we really want to sit in our bar and hear about all the good times that Everson had with McNeary and the boys back in Aberdeen? No we don't," said Jim's Tap owner Jim when he was reached for comment. "I'd rather burn this place to the ground than allow J-Slay to have some beers with the boys here. That's why I will be taking my tap elsewhere."
Other businesses share the same viewpoint. The 9 has long been a popular grease pit in Brookings but stated that even they can't put up with Everson for much longer. "He's gotten in here a couple times," said an anonymous bouncer that gave this interview from the other side of a large blackout curtain "but the thought of him doing the Cupid Shuffle up on the dance floor wearing the Cavalier green is enough to make me put a padlock on the door and never take it off. If we get wind that Everson is going to come here tonight we plan to board this fucker up like Kino der Toten. Same goes for Shay Jolley, we just really hate that kid."
These establishments of drink and dance aren't the only ones calling it a career. The rumor mill has it that the list of closings will include but not be limited to Ray's Corner, P's and Q's, The Ram, The Wild Hare, Cubby's, Applebees, Buffalo Wild Wings, Old Market Eatery, Wooden Legs Brewing Company, Main Street Pub, Sully's, Nick's Hamburgers, Blue Street Bicycles, Textbooks for Less, and The Pheasant Resturaunt and Lounge (which is still waiting on a dinner reservation for two made under the name of Charlie Stephenson).
Just for good measure Taco Bell announced they will be closing just because Everson is a little too excited about their fries.
The companies released a joint statement saying "Money is great but if it comes at the cost of serving alcohol to Everson we aren't sure we will be able to look ourselves in the face at then of the day."
The closing of so many bars leaves many big drinkers in Brookings sitting on their hands. Longtime bar patron and former resident of the state of Ohio Roy Semmler said he doesn't know what he'll do with all of this spare time. "I've been getting into 2K basketball lately so I think I might start running some franchises on the "My GM" mode. I think that sounds interesting."