All that glitters in not gold. Today in Brookings a day that had much promise ended up sour for a certain Rory Forrest. Roach woke up on his 20th birthday with nothing but high ambitions for the day but this dream was to never come. At approximately 10:44 this morning Roach took a "What Hogwarts house are you?" quiz on his computer while he sat in the back row of Bio 151 and was absolutely destroyed after finding out they placed him in Hufflepuff.
"Are you fucking me? Hufflepuff? What a load of bull shit. I'm more of a Gryffindor that Godric himself and this shit fucks me over like this?" proclaimed a visibly shaken Roach. He added "What am I? What have I done to deserve this?"
When reached for comment roommate Riley Huag expressed concern over his friend. "Roach came home, walked right past us and locked himself in his room. Nobody really talked to him but Krog said he heard sobbing noises so it sounds like he's taking it pretty tough. I don't blame him, Hufflepuff is some pussy shit. At least have some fucking dignity and get Ravenclaw. Skol Vikes."
Huge Harry Potter fan Riley Schmidt also chimed in saying "Roach can take a fucking lap. In all my years as a HP fan I've never seen a bigger Hufflepuff, dudes a square. Karst I love you buddy."